Why I Hate Texas - An Insider's Guide to Everything Wrong with the Lone Star State

You used to have to leave the state to hear outsiders say nasty things about Texas. Now you don't even have to leave the house. The internet brings the hate to you.

In real time and in living color, we Texans get to hear how backwards and dumb we are.

Why? Because God, guns, oil & gas, Friday night football, tradition, cowboy culture...things as immutable as humidity and as sacred as the Alamo defenders...you name it, it's a point of contention with some bonehead somewhere.

And he's there to tell you all about it on social media. He doesn't just dislike those things; he despises you for holding them dear.

I have friends and relatives who are "that guy." I know you do, too. For years I've made notes for a book about why I love this place, as sort of a counterargument to those folks, but I have yet to write the thing.

But there's more than one way to skin a cat, right?

So I crossed my eyes and looked at it another way. I found the solution and I proudly present it to you here. The perfect gift for "that guy" you know, with a cover as obnoxious as the comments of even the most battle-hardened internet troll.

The title alone will make his eyes light up and his little heart dance with glee.
Now imagine the reaction of "that guy" when he eagerly opens Why I Hate Texas to find 250 positively blank pages. That reaction alone is worth the price of admission.

It's a superb gift for folks who bash us for believing as we do...but you also need one for your foyer table or your desk at work. Display it as proudly as you would our Declaration of Independence.

When a fellow Texan sees the cover, snatches the book up and is about to beat you with it, have him open it and share in the joke.

The best joke of all is the one you don't see coming.